Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Yes, Neighbor, I ALWAYS Pick It Up. I Promise.

Every morning I get a 'good morning' email from Dorkfish since he leaves for work at that 'if you wake me, I'll put arsenic in your soup' hour of the morning.

This morning, he was late. I emailed him and got this as a reply:

Dorkfish: Took Molly for a walk this morning. She pooped three times and I didn’t have a bag…once across from Scott’s driveway, once in empty lot 137 in phase 2 and once in phase 3.  I think she feels better.

(Romantic, right?)

Me: (Terrified someone saw our dog poop in their yard and KNEW it was us being the neighborly sort) Are any of those poops in a location where I need to go retrieve them this morning?

Him: Ohhh if you are out and about….might want to pick up the one across from Scott’s drive and lot 137 (first one on the right when you enter phase 2).   It was early, they can’t pin it on me.

Me: A.) Who's Scott?
B.) No way in hell.

Him: A.) Who's Scott?  Next to Jennifer
B.) No way in hell.  Oh come on….

Me: Was it in A YARD or an empty lot?

Him: Lot next to the house your dad liked.  It is going to rain, I wouldn’t worry to much about it.

Me: Wow. So just to clarify, your first 'good morning sweetie' email is to ask me to pick up three piles of dog shit on vacant lots?
It's like you don't even know me sometimes.

Him: No, it was remarkable that molly pooped that much…you just asked…I said, if you were out and about…then you were all like…”don’t ask me to pick up poop”

Me: Of COURSE I was all like "don't ask me to pick up poop".
And no, I did not ask about our dog's bowels. I asked why I hadn't gotten an email from you...
That's it. I'm not making the bed now.

Me: And now google is telling me where to find biodegradable poop bags.
It's like the world is against me.

Him: I hope your day improves from here…now where to go butt up.

I feel sorry for your coworkers.

Him: I ran for a little ways this morning and I am not crippled.

Me: Huh, I figured you left the poop because your knees were too old to bend.

Him: Nope..too old to remember a bag.

Me: Touché.


jwbikes said...

Now you have to go pick them up because you have outed yourself as serial non scooper. Especially since all of the neighbors read this, right. Oh, that's right I am here with all of the crickets.

Anonymous said...

too bad you don't live by us anymore...it would have blended in with all of the others...j

The Stiletto Mom said...

We are glamorous people too. In my house, he is responsible for cat puke and I handle all dog poo.

We really are very cool people, aren't we? Prolly why you and I get along so well.

Jessica said...

Can you adopt me? Ya'll seriously crack me up!

Jill said...

I hate the dog poo bombs! My dog has this annoying habit of pooping twice when I only have one bag and three times when I only have two. And I frequently have to back track to pick up her mess because I'm totally paranoid my neighbors are watching me and my dog out their living room windows.

Amy said...

You guys are so funny! Seriously, I'm surprised you asked if you should maybe pick it up cause anyone who saw would clearly see it was him, not you. You were totally off the hook.