Sunday, October 17, 2010

Clip-ons Are for Wimps

It would seem that I have a complete mental block on most school-related urgencies in regard to my children. (You may remember a few months ago, we had the where-in-the-hell-does-all-your-lunch-money-go epiphany.) Yes, I thought you might...

Well now Deuce has started preschool and it would seem that my complete lack of regard for all things date related applies to his preschool as well.

On Friday, we were walking out the door when I finally noticed how homeless the child looked. His 'Harleyson David' (Harley Davidson for the grammatically correct reader) t-shirt that his grandfather has graciously supplied him with for the past two years, was apparently one of the first he received. All that kid needed was a pack of candy cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve to complete the look. But the t-shirt was only part of the story, sadly. The hair, which I choose to keep long because he has an awesome 'surfer guy' look, was in desperate need of a brushing. There was a cowlick in the front and an 'Alfafa' in the back. But naturally, we were running late so I assured myself that the teachers had seen him looking cute before, so we could pull it off just this once.

That's when it always happens, right moms?!...

We walk in the classroom and apparently every other mom remembered it was picture day.


All the little girls have bows in their hair and dresses on; the boys are sporting gel in their unmanageable hair. Hell, I didn't even recognize most of these kids! Then Deuce immediately spies some asshole wearing a tie and begins to pout.

Me: "Baby, what's wrong?!"

Deuce: "He's wearing a tie, mom. I wanna tie!"

Me: "But honey, you don't own a tie....and that's a clip-on anyway. No one likes clip-ons... How about we go home and I iron you a nice shirt for you?!"

Deuce: "No. I want a tie. Can I wear one of Daddy's ties?"

Me: "Baby, if daddy hadn't given away all of his old ties, I would go home and put one on you! But we don't have a tie. So how about the Harleyson David shirt?! It looks much tougher..."

Deuce: "Yeah, I guess the tie looks dumb on him anyway."


I've never been happier to hear my child chastise the clothing options of another.

Yet I don't think the teacher believed me when I lied and said he chose that outfit for picture day...