1. When your grandmother comes to visit and is offering up little parental advice gems such as 'if you don't dry his hair, he's going to wake up with a cold after sleeping under that ceiling fan' and you choose to ignore them...the child will, in fact, have a fever the next day.
2. That fever? It's going to last for DAYS AND DAYS just so she can remind you every. single. day.
3. The purchase of a url* (www.raisingoutdoordogs.com) does not guarantee one is going to be smart enough to set it up on their own. However, having good support and wonderful friends who still like you even when you repeatedly say 'bad words' in front of their child, are truly priceless. (VDog, I owe you one next week!)
4. No matter how many times you attempt to explain to your grandmother that your not playing on the computer but are actually working on something (see number 3); she will insist you are avoiding your children on purpose.
5. Avoiding one's children on purpose is wrong.
6. If you choose to avoid your children on purpose, things happen:
7. Toothpaste will remove sharpie from hardwood floors.
8. Sunscreen will remove sharpie from skin.
9. Tears will remove sunscreen from eyes.
10. Your son will blame you for the burning pain in his eyes and when it all subsides and you tell him that it wasn't actually your fault his eyes hurt since you were just trying to help and that he should apologize, he will respond, "Momma, I'm sorry you had to hurt my eyes."
11. That makes you an ass.
P.S. My blog's new url is www.raisingoutdoordogs.com. Please change your reader and tell your friends! ;)