Tuesday, November 17, 2009


The past four months have been burdened with a barrage of medical tests and unimaginable stress. Ultimately, I told myself I was going to be fine, but the internal strife was overwhelming at times. The annoyance of the unknown welled up inside me. The urge to scream became overpowering, but silently, so as to not draw attention. Tears of anger that I was enduring this at a time when I was so desperately picking up the pieces of my old life; each hitting the floor as I stooped for another. A time when I was grasping at fleeting memories of my mother and drowning in the understanding that I would never again have that love. Crippling at times and yet inevitable.

But I believe in a God who doesn't allow anything to happen without reason. A God who, despite all of life's perils, will never fail me; will always accompany me and will forever love me. This has carried me through it all.

His love has given me more than a sense of security. He's blessed me with family and friends who's love I do not deserve. From a husband who's devotion is astounding and undeserved, sisters who are close no matter the distance, and friends who were complete strangers just months ago. These people, these blessings, reserve a secluded part in my heart. They each fill a specific void in my life that was once unknown. A crevasse unexplored until the floor collapsed. My devotion to these people is undying. My love for them unending. I find myself struggling with telling them how much they mean to me and overwhelming them with adoration. Ultimately, I am eternally thankful for their love and friendship and am forever indebted to them.

"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson