Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Kindergarten Drama: The Next Soap Opera

One of the great benefits of staying at home, is having the opportunity to be more connected in my boys' school life. Yes, I will admit that I did refer to my weekly Wednesday volunteering as "Community Service" and I may have suggested to the office ladies that they have a two-drink minimum... But, it did give me an opportunity to get to know the kids in the classroom so when Deuce or Bonus would come home complaining about  a kid, I would know EXACTLY how they felt.

This morning, Bonus woke up with throat pain and an earache. Since were were going on day threethousandsixtytwo of a cough, I went ahead and decided to spend the copay on him...


Not only was it just drainage, but he had the kahunas to ask the doctor to let him stay home the rest of the week. OH, and maybe he just shouldn't go back to school any more since he has a dust allergy and his school isn't clean... Fortunately, she didn't fall for the 'ole blue eyes'.

Since he cried wolf, I not only took him to school and dropped him like the plague, I also brought Deuce a much-coveted fast food lunch from Christian Chicken. I will admit that it was a bit awkward when Bonus was walking out of the lunch room with his little lunch box and I was walking in with two bags of food... We spoke, but it was with a I'm-not-the-favorite-child-today kinda tension and all his friends noticed too.

As soon as Deuce and I sat down for lunch, the Kindergarten drama started...

Some random little girl: "Deuce! Tell your mom that Bonus slapped me in the face!" *sigh* Deuce informed me that the little girl likes to make things up to get attention, so I let that one slide.

He then informs me that his girlfriend, we will call her "DoeeyedSuzie", and his best friend, who we will call "KissingJohnny", kissed yesterday. To most kids, this would be crushing news; so I reacted with the same amount of surprise. Deuce, who refuses to leave his feeling at home and carries it on his shoulder at all times, was not only fine with this, but actually giggled about it.

(Thank God he isn't into kissing anyone but Momma still.)

Apparently, this was all okay because DoeeyedSuzie told him that she thought he was cute...

I'm going to leave that one alone.

We get back to his classroom and DoeeyedSuzie comes running up to me for a hug. "Bye Mommy!" she said in her sweet little tone. I knelt down, put my arm around her tiny little shoulders and in my most loving and syrupy-sweet voice said, "Listen honey, no kissing boys...ESPECIALLY MY BOY." She looked at me with her big, brown, doe eyes and said, "Oh, no! Never!" and ran off with cheeks that guilty shade of pink.

Having sorted that one out, I kissed my baby boy bye and headed out the door. About two seconds after I left, a little boy who we will call, "Edwardsitthehelldown" stuck his head out of the door and called to me. "Are you taking Deuce home?!"

Me: (Fighting back the smartass and not saying, "Do you SEE him with me?!" because I am a good mom.) "No, he's staying here today."

Edwardsitthehelldown: "Come on, take him away!"

Me: "Nope. He will be here to annoy you all day. Get back in the classroom and learn something."

Edwardsitthehelldown: "Why don't you go learn something?!"

Me: "Because, sweetheart, I finished learning all I need to. Now I get to go play at the park while you sit at a desk. Have fun!"

I like to think they repeatedly ask me to volunteer because I am so good with the kids.