Seriously, they should live with him. That. Is. Nothing.
His teacher had already warned me that he hadn't returned the Here's-How-Screwed-Up-Your-Child-Is note, so I was completely prepared when he got off the bus.
Me: (In my most obnoxious mom tone.) "Hey Babe! How was school?!"
Bonus: (Staring at the ground.) "Um, good. It was a good day."
Me: "So, no problems we need to talk about?"
Bonus: "Um, nope. Not a thing. Nothing. Nope. Not at all."
Yeah, the kid can't lie to save his life. So we came home, I showed him his NEW! SHOES! I had purchased him since he'd had such a GREAT! WEEK! AT! SCHOOL! He did his homework so he could get ICE! CREAM! for being SO! GOOD! THIS! WEEK! Yet not once did he crack. He's either got a future in the CIA or he'll be in prison...
In fact, he even made it all the way to the car (where he spilled a milk and blamed it on Deuce even though he wasn't even IN THE CAR YET) before the game ended. By then, my patience had grown thin and I sent him to his room where I proceeded to lay it on thick.
Me: "Bonus, you know that when you LIE you get in MUCH WORSE TROUBLE than when you tell the TRUTH. Right?!"
Bonus: "Yeah."
Me: "And you LIED to me about spilling the milk. Didn't you?"
Bonus: "Yeah."
Me: "So if you have LIED about anything ELSE, I would suggest you tell me about it NOW because if I find out LATER it will be BAAAAAAAD. Is there anything you want to TELL ME NOW?"
Bonus: "Um... Nope."
Me: *sigh*
So I left him in there for a few more days, er minutes, and he finally caved.
He walked out with this:
My favorite part is the false start on the A.
That kid has a future, I tell ya...
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