Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A day in the life of the Deuce

Today Deuce and I went shopping. He was okay with it for the first few minutes, but by the time I had him carrying around swimsuits in Banana Republic, the demasculinizing had set in...

"Momma, I don't wanna carry your panties any more."

"Deuce, those aren't 'panties'. It's a swim suit."

"Whatever they are, I'm tired of carrying them." And he began hanging them from every mannequin in the store...

It was at this point the sales clerk started dieing laughing and had to run to the back room. I tried to explain to him it was no different than what he wears to the pool, but the glare he gave me with one eye brow raised was just all too close to home.

So we left.

On the way home, he fell asleep. When he abruptly woke, he said, "MOMMA! I KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BIKE NOW!"

Just imagine my confusion when I'm taken from enjoying classical music and being lost in my thoughts to that statement...

"Momma, I had a dream that I was learning to ride a bike and now I know how! Let's go home and take off my training wheels!"

My neighbor, the one I lovingly call The Bitch, tried to convince me that my son may very well be some sort of prodigy who could will himself to learn to ride without training wheels unassisted.

So when Dorkfish came home from work, he removed the training wheels, put on the kid's helmet and helped him balance. Slowly, he removed his hands from the seat of the bike and with a huge exhale, sent our youngest bear off into the wilderness...

Where he promptly fell off the bike and cried.

So, the lesson to learn here is that when your child dreams they can do something, you should do everything in your power to assist them in their goals. Just make sure you hold back the laughter when wiping their tears.

Honestly, I'm just thankful he didn't have the 'naked' dream.