I completely realize how horribly I've neglected you wonderful followers and for that I'm terribly sorry.
In fact, I love you so much I refuse to recap each and every day with an enormously long post about my whereabouts. Instead, I'll give you the quick and dirty... (But it will still be enormously long simply because it's been too damn long.)
~ Thanksgiving was a good time; the whiskey helped.
Although, I probably should have admitted to my cousin that it wasn't really the dog under the table licking her foot, but rather my three year old, Deuce. (Sorry, Mel! We're putting that 'college fund money' you gave him toward his therapy instead.)
~ Dorkfish managed to talk me into loading the car with both kids and the dog and driving ten hours to Crystal River, Florida. (I blame the tryptophan-induced coma for that lapse in judgment.) That place is like the land of rednecks and retirees; nothing but big wheels and Buicks as far as the eye could see. Which was oddly like my last trip to Wal-Mart; terrifying and fascinating at the same time. Ironically, my car was the victim of a hit and run in a parking lot...just like that Wal-Mart trip.
~ They serve you a bottle of beer in a paper bag AT A RESTAURANT in Crystal River, Florida. (This was preposterous enough that it deserved it's own point.)
~ I turned 30 on December 11th. That was, um, cool... Ahem. MOVING ON.
~ Bonus turned six on December 12th. That brought back fond memories of Dorkfish saying, "Buck Up!" during child birth. The way I see it, me not shanking him right there is a perpetual birthday gift to my son. You're welcome, Bonus, happy birthday.
~ For Bonus' birthday, he wanted to go on an air boat ride. Fortunately, being in the land of rednecks, there was an abundance. Naturally, we went with WILD BILL'S because they sounded experienced. We had the pleasure of flying through the bogs under the careful steerage of "Captain Duke" who had alligator claws on each of his zipper pulls. Nothing says classy like alligator toes, my friends. Nothing.
~ Christmas was pretty eventful as well. Santa brought Bonus a guitar and Deuce a keyboard. Not only are both of my children completely tone deaf, but Santa is getting special cookies next year...
~ We drove up to Northern Ohio to visit the in-laws the day after Christmas. My brother-in-law has taken to raising chickens and there was a rooster running around the living room when we arrived. There's really nothing I can add to that to explain the awesomeness of this experience... But let me say this, THERE WAS A ROOSTER. IN. THE. LIVING. ROOM. (Exhibit A on why I love my in-laws.)
~ We spent New Year's in Knoxville. Dorkfish forgot to kiss me at midnight and will be hearing about it until next year...or until I find someone else to. Heh.
~ Speaking of Dorkfish, he turned 41 on January 7th. (Please note the drastic age difference and remind him of his great fortune every chance you get...) *snicker*
~ Now it is January 13th and we still have our tree up, lights-twinkling. At this point, I'm refusing to dismantle it due to my tree-allergy and propensity to loathe anything Christmas related after December 26th. However, I am going to greatly enjoy the chagrin of all my neighbors as it sits by the street for another few weeks until the leaf collectors come again. Merry Christmas from the Davis Family!
~ Bonus has started back into kindergarten and that is more levels of awesome than mere words can explain. Honestly, it deserves a toast. Which I am going to go do now as he trudges through yet another ridiculous homework assignment involving me calling out words and him spelling them. Hope the slurring doesn't affect him....heh.
But I promise I'll be back much sooner than my track history would portray!