Monday, January 10, 2011

An Epiphany for a Sucker

It's taken four and a half years, but I think I've finally found a useful purpose for Deuce.

Yes, he is awesome at comedic relief. Just this morning he said, "Momma, I don't want to go to school anymore. I already know everything." When I asked exactly what he meant he said, "If you put a bottle of ketchup in water, it floats. See? Everything. I got it."

How can one argue with that logic?

He's also been offering me money for letting him have candy. How many of YOUR kids offer you bribes for treats? Hmmmm? I didn't think so.

But actually, that is just what keeps me from LOOSING IT when he gives me attitude. I think his useful purpose may be taking care of Bonus the Bitch.

You see, it would appear that my mono has now spread to Bonus. While I can honestly tell you that the kid is sicker than he has ever been in his entire life, in complete disclosure I have to admit that he is also being more hateful that I ever thought possible for a seven year old. It would appear that he realizes the gravity of his illness and my feeble state (both in a physical and psychological sense) and has chosen to be nice to only me. I can only assume that this means he has a good sense of survival.

Every time Deuce walks in the room, he comes to check on Bonus. "Can I do anything for you, Bonus?" he asks with the sweetest voice; petting Bonus on the head. Bonus' response is sadly always the same, "NO. Go Away. Stop. Touching. Me." I never knew kids snarled either... Weird. Anyway, the constant drone of "My finger hurts BAAAAAD/my knee won't MOOOOOOVE/my big toe is falling OFFFFF" has kind of taken it's toll on my compassion. Don't get me wrong, he's sick. I am doing everything in my power to keep his fever down, keep him hydrated and comfortable but at the end of the day, I am sick too and it's wearing on me.

In ultimate desperation, I believe we may have just had a break through. While having a moment to myself and catching up on some blog reading, Bonus started his pleas for anything he can fathom. When I didn't jump up to get the thermometer SINCE I CHECKED HIS TEMPERATURE TWO MINUTES AGO, Deuce came to the rescue. Then, Deuce brought him more water. Then, Deuce offered to get him another pillow.

That's when the epiphany occurred. Maybe, just maybe, if I hide in the office long enough, Bonus will give in and let Deuce help him. Maybe this will be the turning point in their relationship. Maybe Bonus will finally realize just how much Deuce loves him and wants to help him...

Maybe that scream resonating from the living room is saying otherwise...