Saturday, May 9, 2009

The post where I come clean - Mother's Day SUCKS. Yes, I said it.

Generally, I try to keep this space light and funny. I pride myself on sharing little tidbits of our life that induce involuntary giggling.

Today, ain't that day.

In fact, today is a vent...and tomorrow may be too. (Should I have the energy to open my laptop, which is doubtful.)

Going through my reader this morning, I found a post by one of my favorite bloggers admitting that she hates Mother's Day. Go ahead and gasp, I'll wait.

Good?

Good.

Here's the thing...I DO TOO. In fact, this year I've hated every single holiday. EVERY ONE.

To be fair, I blame hating my birthday, Christmas and Valentine's day on my husband's lack of getting me a gift and making smart ass comments about 'getting me a new house' for those holidays. Not funny, dear. Not funny at all.

I'm going to save the five-paragraph explanation of why he's actually a wonderful man, yadda yadda yadda and just say that he's forgiven, for now, but I reserve the right to throw it back up in his face when needed.

Ahem.

So, this whole Hallmark Holiday Horseshit that everyone else calls "Mother's Day" only reminds me of how much I miss mine. (Even though she was a huge screw up.)

Today marks the 7-month anniversary of her death. You can read about that here. I'm not repeating it. But, if you want to know how I'm dealing with it all, well, that post is here.

And dammittohell, I really miss her. I guess I miss the lost opportunities more than anything.

So here I am, hiding from the boys because I don't want them to see me crying and yes, I'm crying. I am six hours from all my friends and family who understand me, those who were there with me, and those who miss her as bad as I do. Not to mention my husband is working 12-hour shifts for 6 days a week for the past 3 weeks because apparently a nuclear reactor needs to be refueled.

PFFFFT.

So, I will be crying in private today. I will be hiding on the porch, behind sunglasses, repotting plants. I will explain, if asked by my sons, that it is okay to cry. It is okay to miss someone. But I will be doing anything and everything I can to keep this private.

But in this space; I will be honest.

12 comments:

Out-Numbered said...

Why don't you tell us how you really feel. :-) Chin up. All your blogging buddies are here to listen.

katydid6 said...

Good for you for being honest, even if it's not what everyone *wants* to hear about mothers and Mother's Day. I hope this weekend is bearable for you and that you are given the space to feel what you honestly feel.

dancing_lemur said...

That's what blogs are for, definitely. :)

I'm thinking about you and know you'll get through. It's totally okay to cry, and you aren't required to explain it to anyone...most of all, yourself.

Marni's Organized Mess said...

If you can't be honest on your blog, where the heck can ya be?!?!?

Get it out there sweetie. I hope that this took some weight off of your shoulders and that you are able to go out and put on a shining face for your boys, who will one day be missing you on Mother's Day, so hopefully can enjoy you while you are here...

I know it doesn't make it any easier, but they too will be there one day and the cycle will continue..

Jessica said...

I feel it too. My mom's been gone over 7 years now, and Mother's day sucks. And no, I don't want to go to boyfriend's mom's house for mother's day luncheon. Not that she's not a wonderful woman, but she's not even an inlaw. I'll spend it with granny tomorrow in the hospital waiting for a surgeon to fix her broken leg. And that may be enough for me. Oh, and i'm no real fan of the other holidays too b/c they're all reminders. So, I'm only 2 hours away real time, and just a click away internet time if ya ever want an ear.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Can I give you a hug? I really want to give you a hug. Then we'll cry and share stories of our moms and then bitch about our husband's "buying us" houses and then cheaping out on birthday presents.

xo

Maggie's Mind said...

Hugs and hugs and hugs and hugs. This year is 14 years without my mom, and I hate Mother's Day. Other holidays still aren't right, either, just as you said. It's gotten easier over the years, but it will never be easy. Hang in there. You are not at all alone.

Anonymous said...

I was thinkin' boutcha all day. Wish I could have been there to listen in person and distract you with three more hellyuns - how do you spell that anyway? My hubby-boy was in an extra foul mood today and I'm ashamed it didn't dawn on me immediately why...anyway, miss and love you and I'm sending a big, fat cyber hug. j

mpotter said...

i miss my mom, too.
it's been 2 years..... but this is the first time i've been a mom without my own.

and to read lots of wonderful posts about what moms have taught them.... littlebean will never know my mom (or dad).

and, yes... i agree! even a first mother's day can still suck.

The Stiletto Mom said...

It gets easier...I know you can't believe it now, but it does. I wish I could give you hug.

Jill said...

Sorry I missed this this weekend. I had a conversation with a friend who just lost his mom a couple months ago about how this first Mother's Day was so hard for him. And no one really understood that because, his mom, lived far away,she was sick, she was elderly, she was never the most loving mom to begin with... as if anyone of those things make the sting of losing your mom any easier to take. Sounds like you were able to make the best of it, but I'm sorry it was so hard for you.

the Mayor said...

I told them all I wanted tickets to a Justin Timberlake concert or nothing (he's not got any scheduled). The last thing I wanted to do was go to some luncheon.

Truth is even with 6 children of my own, mother's day has been a bittersweet event for over 20 years.