Generally, I try to keep this space light and funny. I pride myself on sharing little tidbits of our life that induce involuntary giggling.
Today, ain't that day.
In fact, today is a vent...and tomorrow may be too. (Should I have the energy to open my laptop, which is doubtful.)
Going through my reader this morning, I found a post by one of my favorite bloggers admitting that she hates Mother's Day. Go ahead and gasp, I'll wait.
Here's the thing...I DO TOO. In fact, this year I've hated every single holiday. EVERY ONE.
To be fair, I blame hating my birthday, Christmas and Valentine's day on my husband's lack of getting me a gift and making smart ass comments about 'getting me a new house' for those holidays. Not funny, dear. Not funny at all.
I'm going to save the five-paragraph explanation of why he's actually a wonderful man, yadda yadda yadda and just say that he's forgiven, for now, but I reserve the right to throw it back up in his face when needed.
So, this whole Hallmark Holiday Horseshit that everyone else calls "Mother's Day" only reminds me of how much I miss mine. (Even though she was a huge screw up.)
Today marks the 7-month anniversary of her death. You can read about that here. I'm not repeating it. But, if you want to know how I'm dealing with it all, well, that post is here.
And dammittohell, I really miss her. I guess I miss the lost opportunities more than anything.
So here I am, hiding from the boys because I don't want them to see me crying and yes, I'm crying. I am six hours from all my friends and family who understand me, those who were there with me, and those who miss her as bad as I do. Not to mention my husband is working 12-hour shifts for 6 days a week for the past 3 weeks because apparently a nuclear reactor needs to be refueled.
So, I will be crying in private today. I will be hiding on the porch, behind sunglasses, repotting plants. I will explain, if asked by my sons, that it is okay to cry. It is okay to miss someone. But I will be doing anything and everything I can to keep this private.
But in this space; I will be honest.