Why I don't deserve to be let out in public...and other embarrassing stories.

I just returned from Blissdom09 and let me tell you...I've learned A LOT. Those of you that follow me, okay, both of you, will be amazed at the upcoming changes to this little blue-back grounded, "It's-not-a-damn-pet-blog" site. Oh yes, you might even tell your friends that secretly you read my writing and not be embarrassed to admit it!

Maybe.

I hope, at least. Heh.

Anyway, I now know that not only am I a much smaller fish than I had realized, but the group of Big Fish that I had previously been worshiping is much, much larger than I knew. And some of them have said that they would be following me too...eek. So now, not only do I have to 'up the ante' so to speak, but really have to make this place look good.

And considering I've got mad skills...but none of them have to do with HTML...it's gonna be a long road. So I'm putting on my big girl panties and you're welcome to join me!

Just don't show me, cause mine are big enough.

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Okay, first of all, anyone who was at Blissdom09 with me and saw me on Friday night AFTER the cocktail party; it was the new Rx and not the two drinks I had that caused me to act like that. And by that you pretty much have to insert your own experience with me. Cause honestly, I don't remember much of the night let alone what I said.

However.

I do remember getting on the elevator with the fabulous Jen Lancaster and bits and pieces of the conversation have slowly been returning. (When I honestly wish they wouldn't.)

First, I said, "Hey! You're Jen!" (As if she may have been suddenly stuck with amnesia or something.) Secondly, I remember saying, "I can't wait to read your new book in August!" To which the fabulous Jen Lancaster responded, "Um, actually, it comes out in May." Okay, total party foul, but it could have been excused had I not responded with, "Awwww, Man! I thought it was August!" (with much disappointment.) Apparently, in my medically-induced reality, August comes before May...who knew?! The rest of the elevator conversation is a mystery to me except for my parting line which was me stumbling off the elevator mumbling something about my son's stuffed frog. I'm not sure what I was saying, but I'm pretty sure that no one, including me, cared.

The next morning, I posted this on twitter, "Totally bombing intros #blissdom09. When did I become 'socially awkward'?! Anyone who saw me last night, it was new meds not the beer! Geez." This tweet not only showed me how many new followers I had by the number of people that approaced me saying, "Oh my gosh! What did you do?" but also by the sheer volume of bloggers who admitted having conversations with me...and I don't remember them.

Not to mention that the very awesome Poppy was along for the ride...sorry about that! Great intro, huh?! (And no, contrary to her post, Poppy did not have price tags -ala Minny Pearl- but she did have an amazing sense of humor and equally impressive personality.) -not to mention she was too kind to tell me what an ass I had made of myself in front of her dearest friend, the fabulous Jen Lancaster.

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Yeah, I guess you could say I made a name for myself. If the embarrassment of the night didn't do it, the business cards may have...

For those of you that missed them, it was a beverage napkin with my blog site written on them and lipstick.



(The cheesy grin is added for effect...I have no explanation for the puffy shirt.) -photo courtesy of Jenny over here.

Apparently, when one goes to such functions, they are expected to bring a business card so that others will later remember their blog and follow them. Who knew?!

At least Tanis thought it was entertaining. She saved my card...in her bra.

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Oh, and for those of you who know me and how I constantly recount my favorite posts from my favorite bloggers, you will understand my excitement on meeting Catherine! I did, however, make a dork out of myself by only being able to compliment her blog by telling her it makes me cry. I was actually trying to say that she is so thoughtful and stuff...which still sounds better in my head.

She did let me hold the precious Jasper, though! So either I didn't make a total ass out of myself, or she was desperate to eat lunch.

In typical FAIL fashion, I made him cry. Again, zero points for the dork fish. I can't even accomplish one simple task like keeping a baby happy for five minutes. (And I have done that TWICE...)

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And then there was Saturday night. I spent most of the evening with Tara, who may or may not want to admit it so I'll leave her details out. I do remember the embarrassment that ensued. But I'm not willing to share all the gory details until they become less memorable. (And the headache fades.)

But I will admit that I thoroughly enjoyed the high-dollar cosmo that was purchased for me by a unnamed police officer who worked at an unnamed airport and meeting the famous Denny who's tagline was "Denny, like the restaurant."

No, I am not kidding. But I wish I was...

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The previous evening may or may not have had anything to do with me missing my 8 a.m. flight.

But I'm pretty sure that the humiliation of loosing my fruitloops in the handicapped stall of the women's restroom at gate B9 taught me a lesson. Yes, I was kicking my own ass.

And if the handicapped woman who was waiting on said stall had not been bound to a wheelchair, I think she would have been too.

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So, what have you, o beloved followers, learned from my experiences? (And please don't tell me if it's to stop following me!) If it is to stop following me...just keep it to yourselves. Mkay?!

Update: Just in case you are one of those followers who wonders, "What were her kids doing while she was writing all that?" Here you go: