Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Judgements

So how is it that once we give birth we become pros at everything child related? You get pregnant; you know all about pregnant women and how much folic acid they need, how they shouldn't be lifting that box, how they have outgrown that t-shirt, etc. Then you give birth...here it comes; you know everything birth-related. If you went natural; pain meds are for wimps. If you had meds; 'don't those granolas know that you don't get extra credit for going natural?!' You have a c-section; 'I had to have one because XYZ happened, but I wouldn't have chosen it!'

We've all experienced this. You're shopping in the store and you see another mom. You immediately begin judging. "Humph. She looks good. Must have a nanny for those kids." Or, "I can't believe she let her son go out without a coat! Some mom."

I have realized that you don't have to be a mom to do it.
"Look at how wrinkled that man's clothes are! His wife must not be much of a wife." "I can't believe she's wearing THAT!"

Why do we judge so quickly. Does it make us feel better about our own decisions? Do we really think that we are justifying our recent weight-gain by criticizing someone's desperate need for spandex?

And none of us are exempt from this. Even the sweet, soft-spoken friend that never says a cross word about anyone does it in their head. See, they have learned that verbalizing it tends to get you in trouble. They are the smart ones...

A personal example: On one such occasion when I verbalized my criticisms, my great-grandmother asked me, "Honey, does it make your candle glow brighter to blow someone else's out?" (She just kept her criticisms to herself, I'm convinced.)

So just remember, when you point the finger, there are three of your own pointing back at you.

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