Last Saturday, I went on my epic journey to bring my grandmother here to visit for a week. She was chomping at the bit to get home by Tuesday. Fortunately, Mother Nature had other plans and dumped five inches of snow and an inch of ice on our little town today. Mams, though not pleased, decided it was in everyone's best interest if we didn't go skidding of the side of a mountain driving back to Tennessee. (It was surprisingly difficult for her to agree to this...)
In my best 'I'm-sorry-to-disappoint-you' tone, I agreed that she should probably stay another week. Not only is she the best baby sitter, she's been cooking, cleaning and ironing and, AND! only drinks one beer at night. (It's the cheap beer at that!) But little does she know, I've been recording some of her best quotes all week just for you.
Let's just say that it's a good thing she can't "call online" in Knoxville...
Mams: "You know, I never worried about Papaw when he was at work. Sure, there were plenty of women who would have taken him in a heartbeat, but I knew he was good."
Me: "Yeah, I never worry about Dorkfish either."
Mams: "You think he's a good boy?"
Me: "Well, yes. I'm pretty sure he's not leaving me."
Mams: "Maybe he just hasn't found the right one yet."
.......
Me: "Mams, are you warm enough at night here?"
Mams: "Well, sure, honey. I have an African in there keeping me warm."
Me: "An African? Don't you mean an afghan?"
Mams: "Well, there's one of those in there too."
.......
Deuce: "Mams, can you fwoat in outer pace?"
Mams: "Well why are you asking me that? I don't fart anywhere. Ladies just don't do that."
.......
"Your friends sure were nice, but I was just out of place. They're all buying cars and things and I'm at an age I don't even put things in lay-away."
......
"I'm sure going to try and see that model train exhibit again next year. Well, if I'm living and there's a parking space."
......
And this was just her first week here....
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6 comments:
"if I'm living and there's a parking space."
That's pretty much my motto for going anywhere.
Love love love it!!! Mams sounds like one cool chick!
@Angie: I completely agree. I think at 84, you tend to simplify life...
@Mary Anne: You should come and have some wine with her! Although, she prefers anything the color of Koolaid...fair warning and all.
My grandma at her birthday party last week when asked her age: "Well, I'm old enough to not buy green bananas, and I think that's all we need to say!"
To hell with the kids . . . Mams says the darndest things.
I want you both to come to Blissdom. That is, if you're still alive. And there's a parking space.
She sounds like a trip!
My husband's great auntie told me once she was so old she wouldn't buy green bananas. I thought that was hilarious.
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