Sunday, August 30, 2009

Kindergarten Ugly

In July, Bonus started kindergarten. To put it nicely, it's been the biggest pain in my ass ever since. It's not the getting him to school, picking him up, packing the dreaded lunches every damn day or the report cards. None of that has pushed me into the liquor cabinet...yet.

It's the attitude.

My neighbor calls it, "Kindergarten Ugly" and describes it as that little bit of ugly that each child has in them that is MAGNIFIED BY TEN HUNDRED BAZILLION THOUSAND when they reach kindergarten.

At first I laughed. Now I'm crying. After all, we know that despite Bonus's best intentions, he has a propensity for violent retaliation.

But this is bad, friends. BBBB.AAAA.DDDD. It's the kind of bad that makes you want to tell everyone that he's really your step son and his father just has no control over him; or make up a disease to justify his actions.

Regardless, it's embarrassing as hell.

Especially when he's calling other kids "stupid", or saying, "I hate girls" to the cutest little blonde you've ever seen, or when the neighbor's kid comes up to where you're sitting with EVERY MOM IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD with scratches down the front of his stomach and is pointing toward your son...that's not embarrassing at all.

But when your precious baby boy gets in trouble for yelling, "STOP IT, DAMMIT" and you're relieved that he didn't yell, "F*CK", you might want to reconsider that Parenting 101 class they asked you to teach...

9 comments:

Amy said...

Duuude. You're in trouble with this one! Are there Kindy boarding schools?

AmyAnne said...

Man.
First, drink. Something strong.

Second, drink more if you still care what other people are thinking about you.

Third, continue drinking until you are sure you won't lock Bonus in the closet forever or hang him on a meat hook and walk away.

I took care of my little sister for a few years about 8 years ago. She was the kid that parents hid their children from. I was judged and judged and re-judged. I finally had to stop focusing on her and focus on me. Am I being consistent? Have reasonable (though cruel & unusual) punishments been implemented? Most importantly, is my other kid normal? Because if the other kid is normal you can always point to them and say "SEE!! It's not me, it's him!! THIS ONE is normal!!"

Good luck.

jwbikes said...

Teach him how to spit on the floor and pee in front of the bushes. That should distract the bullying for a while.

You think the dammit is Bad? My oldest used the f@ck word in context to his preschool teacher. Guess how tall I felt when she found out he learned it form dear old dad.....

Maybe he just goes to school with a bunch of pansy momma's boys who would rather tattle than have a good scrap.

jwbikes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel said...

oh mah holy hell.
We just started week two of kinder and now, now I'm skeered.
But, I love ya ;-) and the way you wrote this <3

jennster said...

you can totally say you bought him at the black market in some other country. right? people will totally buy that.

ha.

good luck. just try to tell him we don't say names or call people names. then call him one to make him cry and say "SEE HOW IT FEELS!"

Angie @ Just Like The Number said...

Ahhh . . . so there's a name for it. The kindergarten ugly. I just thought I was raising a royal bitch. I regret to inform you that it has lasted beyond kindergarten into first grade. Then again, maybe it's because I flunked that parenting 101 class, too. When all else fails I like to blame it on my husband's genes.

Sassy Girl Kitchen said...

Oh no I thought what I was seeing these last few weeks was the end of summer uglies.... now I know it is Kindergarten uglies!!

Lisa said...

I swear that terrible twos have NOTHING on this HORRIFIC 5 year old stage!!!!!!!! Mine are both OLD for ther grade so it came well before Kindergarten started for them but its clearly that same age bracket. And while I'm pretty sure my oldest will keep the attitude to the degree he still has it (and taht has NOTHING to do with me I swear) but he's like a new child this year!! helpful and all. still rolling his eyes and arguing with me (and even being right sometimes, which REALLY makes me mad) but the violent outbursts and fits have all but stopped.